WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL
RAIDER HATERS UNIVERSE
RAIDERS INTRODUCE NEW COACH
After the Raiders fired Dennis Allen, the players will be better able
to relate to the new Coach ex-Warden Henry Brubaker.
I set my DVR to record "The Biggest Loser" but
it just kept recording Raiders' Football Games?!?!
" 3 and 13 again. "
"Bag Time…. Embarrassing watching these slackers sums it up. Time for everybody to show up in the stands wearing brown bags over their heads. Please Santa no more Raider gear. The Salvation Army would not even take it. They want something they can sell in their thrift store. They quit on us the fans and they quit on each other. Bag time…… Signed 'An honest Raider fan'"
Raider Fans are full of it, so here's to 'em. They'll need it again this year and the years after.
Commitment to Excellence The Black Hole
Hey Raiders ....
OAKLAND (CA)--Oakland Raiders football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Art Shell immediately suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE. Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again this season.
THE RAIDER NATION (Ha.)
"Geez, I wore my prettiest lucky necklace
and they still lost."
"They said we were goin' to a
Halloween party and here we
are at another stinkin' Raiders
loss. I gotta' get a new family."
"Are you da' Ho?"
"No. I da' Ho."
|THE BIG GAME
"Pull my finger."
"No. You pull my finger."
"Ooh gag! What is that horrible smell?"
"It's those Raider fans sitting next to you."
"Don't worry cara mia. Someday they will
win a game again. I'm still here for you."
"No. Please. I don't want the job. No please no."
Webmaster note: This is too funny. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Ha, ha, ha!!!
"Look JaMarcus, we both know you can't MAKE
the play but would you at least look at it?!?!"
THE SPORTS CURMUDGEON SAYS: "For too long a time, 'Raider Nation' has been the US version of English soccer hooliganism. Passion in supporting a team is one thing; 'Raider Nation' is far closer to thuggery. And don't be conned by the media's suggestion that these fans are unswerving in their support for and dedication to the Raiders. The Super Bowl was supposed to be a 'Raider Home Game.' If you taped the game, go back and play the tape but instead of watching the plays, listen for 'Raider Nation' once they were down by 14 points. Instead of exhorting the team, that pack of poseurs and front-runners shut their noiseholes just like every other set of fans. Like the Raiders' team, this group is living on reputation." TO READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE, CLICK ON CEREBRAL RANTINGS.
The Raidahs play like Turkeys with their heads chopped off.
"and I'm too old to get up so I'll just go
to the broadcast booth like all has-beens."
A man walked into an Oakland bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog was wearing an Oakland Raiders jersey and helmet, and was festooned with Raiders pom-poms.
The bartender said, "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The guy begged him, "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will both be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relented and allowed them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game began with the Raiders receiving the kickoff. They marched down the field, got stopped at about the 30, and kicked a field goal.
With that the dog jumped up on the bar, and began walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender said, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do when the Raiders score a touchdown?"
The owner replied,
"I don't know, I've only had him for 4 years."
Fuck the Raiders Raider Hater
VISIT THIS SITE AND VOTE FOR RAIDER HATER UNIVERSE
GET THIS CUSTOM 'T' NOW
Broncos fans Jill (from Oregon), Courtney and Allison (from Colorado), all currently living in New York City
proudly display their ChargerTom.com T-shirt Iron-on sentiments for the Chokeland Faiders and their fans.
JOIN THE RAIDER HATER UNIVERSE, GET YOUR IRON-ON NOW.
4 - 12 (ha, ha, ha!!!)
2006 Record: 2 - 14 (ha, ha, ha!!!)
2007 Record: 4-12 (ha, ha, ha!!!)
2008 Record: 5-11 (ha, ha, ha!!!)
2009 Record: 5-11 (ha, ha, ha!!!)
2010 Record: 8-8 (Wow, a non-losing season!!!)
2011 Record: 8-8 (You're on a roll to mediocrity now!!!)
2012 Record: 4-12 (ha, ha, ha!!!)
2013 Record: 4-12 (ha, ha, ha, and ha!!!)
2014 Record: 3-13 (OMG, they CAN get worse!!!)
"Hey Raider players
in here where your fans live!"
Now that's what I call a "Black Hole"
It's official, they are the "Jokeland" Faiders !!!
Don't email me about your Super Bowl wins -- that was 30 years ago. Losers.
Don't email me, you're just making a fool of yourself !!!
San Diego Union-tribune, Tuesday, Sep. 12, 2006. "LAUGHINGSTOCK: The gorilla pit or whatever Oakland wants to call it now is a thing of the past. It's become almost comical to watch the poor souls trying to justify their lives. It really does not speak to the team but more to the city and its place in the mix of our country. If anyone wants to see really rabid home town fans, just watch the crazy fans in Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Washington and Green Bay. That's the true NFL, always was, and alway will be. But the NFL knows a freak show when it sees it, and will show it during the season as it guarantees viewers. Too bad the Oakland Raiders fans don't know that they are being laughed at. THOMAS OSVOLD, Escondido"
even EVEN THEIR OWN FANS ARE NOW "TELLING IT LIKE IT REALLY IS."
Now aren't you proud to be a
stupid Raider fan?!?! Hang up your Halloween costume.
Stay out of our city and stay out of our stadium or you'll just have to keep getting embarrassed by an ass kicking.
The Universe hates you, the Universe is laughing at you, you're a pitiful "Nation" of dolts.
THE RAIDERS ARE SO BAD THEIR FANS ARE NOW WEARING TWO EYE PATCHES
SO THEY DON'T HAVE TO SEE THEM GET SLAUGHTERED.
"How did you enjoy your holiday in Israel?" "It was great!" "Did you visit the Wailing Wall?"
"Yes, but I couldn't get anywhere near it for the Raiders fans."
Question: What's the difference between a new puppy and a Raiders fan?
Answer: The puppy eventually stops whining.
Miss Raiderette. Elected by Raiders fans as
the most beautiful woman in Oakland.
Now that's what I call a huge fan!!!
Please sign the Map on the Home Page so we can see the entire Raider Haters Universe.
The Oakland Raiders 2015 schedule and rule changes
15................Tefft Junior High School
22................Cub Scout Troop #101
29................Oakland Blind Academy
6.................Spanish American War Vets
13................Crippled Children's Home
20................Bay Area Mental Hospital
27................Girl Scout Troop # 353
3..................Oakland Venereal Disease Clinic
10.................Cicero Boys Choir
SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME
9..................San Francisco Gay Boys Club
** RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - When playing polio patients, the Raiders must not disconnect the opponents' knee braces.
2 - When playing the Blind Academy, the Raiders must not hide the football under their jerseys.
** RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line for all you Raider fans that have never seen this ) it is still worth 6 points.
2 - The Raiders will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.
3 - The Raiders will be allowed to substitute with band members at any time.
4 - The Raiders will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the opposing team.
5 - The Raiders will be awarded a first down with each gain of three yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.
** NAME CHANGE **
The Oakland Raiders will be changed to the "Oakland Tampons" as they are only good for one period and have no second string.
** COACHING CHANGES **
Tom Gable will be replaced by Monica Lewinsky. She will no doubt blow a few, but she certainly won't choke on 12 out of 16.
"Rai-dahs, Rai-dahs, Rai-dahs ....."
Fuck the RaidersRaiders
"GREAT game uh Raider fan?!?!"
""We just love snuggling up with our fellow Raida fans!!!"
A TON OF RAIDER FAN JOKES --
Q: Why do Oakland Raiders fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Raiders spend the first week of training camp? A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: Did you hear about the raider fan that died at a pie eating contest? A: The cow kicked him in the head!. (Submitted by a fellow Raider Hater and KC Chiefs fan).
Q: What's the difference between a Raiders fan and a bucket of shit? A: The bucket. (Submitted by a fellow Raider Hater).
Q: What would you call a pregnant Raiders fan? A: A dope carrier.
Raiders chick after a night out on the town.
Q: What do you call a Raiders fan with half a brain? A: Gifted.
Did you hear that the Post Office has just recalled their latest stamp? It seems they had photos of Raider players on them and folks couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Do you know what "Raiders" actually stands for? Really Asshole Idiots Doing Excruciating Rap Songs.
There's a rumor that the Raider have line up a new corporate sponsor - Tampax. They though it was appropriate since the team is going through a very bad period.
Q: How do you save a Raider fan from drowning? A: Mop up the vomit.
Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a light-post in Oakland? A: A recreation center.
Q: What do you call a Raiders fan with lots of girlfriends? A: A Shepherd.
Q: What do you call a Raiders fan with five sheep? A: A pimp.
Q: What's the difference between a Raiders fan and a Chimp? A: Ones hairy, stupid and smells, and the other is a Chimpanzee.
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "I'm worried sick - can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?" "Of course," replies the doctor, "Where do you think Raiders fans come from?"
Hey, Raider fans ....
"Philip's your new daddy."
How do you knock out a Raiders fan when he's been drinking? Slam the toilet seat on his head.
How can you tell a level-headed Raiders fan? He dribbles from both sides of his mouth ö at the same time.
Why do Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs? So they aren't mistaken for Oakland women.
What are silver and black, silver and black, and silver and black? A drunken Raider fan rolling down the bleachers.
What do Raiders fans and laxatives have in common? Both irritate the absolute crap out of you.
Two Chargers fans were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read: "Here lies Jose' Sanchez, a good man and a Raiders fan." So, one of the Chargers fans ask the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"
You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and a Raiders fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? Shoot the Raiders fan - twice.
What do you call a Raiders fan in a suit? The accused.
The Seven Dwarfs are working down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance to the mine and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out of the mine shaft, "The Raiders will win the Super Bowl." Snow White says, "Well at least Dopey's alive."
What do you call a Raiders fan that does well on an IQ test? A cheat.
What do you say to a Raiders fan with a job? "I'll have a Big Mac, fries and a coke, please."
What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jerry Rice? Clinton can still score.
HEY RAIDER FANS ....
A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored Judge said to him, "So why don't you want to live with your Dad?" "Because he beats me," said the little boy. "Why donâ' you want to live with your Mother then?" asked the Judge. "Because she beats me as well." "Oh," said the Judge "Well who would you like to live with then?" The little boy replied, "I would like to live with the Oakland Raiders because they don't beat anyone."
Four Surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first Surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second Surgeon says, "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The third Surgeon says, "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them in color coded." The fourth Surgeon says, "I prefer Raiders fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and asses are interchangeable."
The Raiders new Coach, Art Shell, was wheeling his shopping cart across the supermarket parking lot when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping cart full of groceries. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "NO WAY - you got yourself into this mess, don't ask be to sort it out!"
HEARD ANY GOOD ONES LATELY? SEND TO JOKES@CHARGERTOM.COM AND WEâLL POST THEM HERE.
These were recently received from email@example.com
A 8th grade Raider fan was called into the principals' office for missing school for a week. The principal angrily asked him, "So what's your excuse?" The 8th grader sheepishly handed the principal a Jury Summons. (Think about it!!!)
A Raider walks into Sears and barks out at the salesman, "Hey....stupid. Sell me that there TV and make it snappy." The salesman looks at him and says, "Sorry, no can do." The Raider player glares at the salesman and asks, "Why the hell not?" The salesman coolly replies, "Because 'that there TV' is a microwave----stupid!"
Recently MENSA give IQ tests to the Raiders. They scored 155...combined! If they had scored any lower individually, they'd have to be watered.
Hugh Jackson was furious. He slammed down the recently purchased chainsaw and yelled at the salesman, "HEY! This damned thing is USELESS! It don't work and I want my money back!" The salesman replied, "Now just wait a minute. Let's have a look." He pulled the starter rope and the chainsaw started. Hugh Jackson looked at the salesman befuddled and asked, "What's that noise?"
Hugh Jackson had a flat and no jack. A good Samaritan stopped and offered assistance by picking up Hugh's car by the bumper and held it while Hugh changed the tire. This done, the Samaritan set the car down. Hugh said, "Hell, you're really strong. I'm going out on a limb here, but how'd you like to play football for the best team in the NFL?" The Samaritan looked at Hugh a bit puzzled and finally replied, "That would be great! So who do you know that works for the Chargers?"
Ever notice that some of the Raiders' fans look like Drag Queens on Steroids? What an insult to Drag Queens.
The Raiders played a benefit game against the Gay Men's Choir in San Francisco. In the 4th Quarter the score was Raiders 3 - Gay Men's Choir 35. At the 2-minute warning, the Gay Men's Choir thought it was the end of the game and left .... The Raiders scored 1:58 later .... but missed the extra point.
"Are we Raida fans bad-asses or what?!?! Oops, that was my car I just burned!"
"Arghhh, there go my brains!"
Didn't we always know it?!?!
Oakland Raider Nation citizens.
Picture #1 - Idiot Raider Fan during the game
Picture #2 - Idiot Raider Fan after he takes off his Halloween costume
Picture #3 - Idiot Raider Fan after Qualcomm Stadium game.
"Now jus looka' wha' that damn lightning bolt done did to me!"
Here's a Raida player lifting in the weight room -- OOPS!
Please feel free to download these images. Credit to www.chargertom.com would be appreciated.
ORDER RAIDER HATER UNIVERSE ITEMS ON THE MEMORABILIA PAGE.
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Urban Dictionary Definitions:
Raider Hater -
1. Generally speaking a football fan with enough knowledge to cheer for any team lining up again the scum known as the Raiders. i.e., Bob, being smart, decided to bring mace to fend off the crack-headed Raider fans who dress up like 12 year olds at a Star Wars reunion.
2. All Raider supporters the day after being humiliated in the Super Bowl. i.e., "Sooner or later ... we are all Raider Haters", said Rich Gannon to Tim Brown.
3. A loyal football fan from any NFL team in the Nation who resents the hell out of paying good money to see their team play and then being surrounded by Jokeland Raiders fanatics in their Halloween costumes and Mommie's make-up who are too high and drunk to even know there is a game going on. i.e., Raider Hater Police Officer -- "You have the right to remain silent....."
Raider Fan (Raida Fan) -
1. A homeless person who steals
tickets to attend a Raider game. i.e., Lewis, after drinking his 400
dollar rent away, decided to rob four San Diego State Students so he could
attend the Chargers/Raiders game and torment small children.
2. An A-hole who dresses up for football games. i.e., Raida
Fans Jose' and Manuel put makeup on from Mom's purse to go to the Raiders game
and urinate on other fans.
3. The majority of NFL football fans serving time in prisons.
i.e., Bill was beaten half to death by Raida fan while cheering on the Bucs
while serving time for a DWI.
4. A reason to riot regardless of the outcome of a football game.
i.e., Raida fan was not to be denied an opportunity to burn a McDonalds
regardless of the outcome of the Super Bowl.
5. A fan of the Oakland Raidas who spends more time and effort on his costume than with his family. Also, crack smoking violent moron. i.e., Little Joey hid under the bed because Daddy had burnt his last rock and would soon turn into Raidafan!
This is the only "Number 1" you Raider fan maggots will ever be.
The San Diego Chargers fans have figured out how to keep the Raider convicts (err, fans) from dating the San Diego females when they come to San Diego for football games; From now on on Chargers/Raiders game day, the Zoo will be closed.
A new section of Qualcomm Stadium has been designated for Chargers/Raiders games. You may now request seating in the "No stab zone."
Rich Gannon was seen in downtown Oakland this morning,
expressing frustration at losing the Super Bowl by picking up large rocks and
at the windows of a burning McDonald's.
Unfortunately for Gannon, a fellow rioter intercepted his throw and ran the rock back for a TD!
Here's a guy who, in the famous words of Howard Cossell, "tells it like it is"; Rob (The Retard) Powell writes the typical feelings of all Members of the Raider Haters Universe toward Raider fans in this blunt piece. Check it out at: http://www.fantasyfootballadvisor.com/article_raider_fans.asp
Recently a teacher started a new job at a school in San Diego and trying to make a good impression on her first day, explained to her class that she's a Chargers fan. She asked the class to raise their hands if they too were Chargers fans.
"Because I'm not a Chargers fan", she replied.
The Teacher, still shocked, asked "Well if you're not a Chargers fan, then who do you support?"
"I'm a Broncos fan, and proud of it", Mary replied.
The Teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Broncos fan when you live in America's finest city, San Diego?"
"Because my mom and dad are from Denver and my mom is a Broncos fan and my dad is a Broncos fan, so I'm a Broncos fan too!"
"Well," said the Teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Broncos fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and a car thief, what would you be then?"
Mary said, "A Raiders fan."
T-shirt Iron-on transfers, Hater business cards, Bumper Stickers, Pin on Buttons
for sale on the Memorabilia For Sale Page.
RAIDER HATER T-SHIRT IRON-ONS
Since the Raiders play like a High School Team,
these are their new Cheerleaders.
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